Today is one of those days where it does matter which side of the bed I rolled out of. All the forces in the world are out to make sure that I struggled today. It takes a lot for me to give up my smile. I like to smile in spite the struggles of life. I find life more fun when you great bad news at the door with a smile. But today I feel like I have been hammered by this storm to hard. God is playing hide and seek. So what exactly is going on??
Chatrooms
I have been a great servant to a chat room for almost a year. The owner use to be a close friend of mine. I have work so hard for the ministry. Not for my friend but to be a good steward of a ministry God gave him. I wanted to help him, he made me a moderator. Lately the owner, me friend, made some changes that made my job as a moderator harder. It also cause division within the forum/chat room. This was adding stress on my life. I tired three times to approach the owner and let him know my feelings. But he refuse to reflect on mine and other moderator feelings. He was sit in his ways. He also was very stern in reminding me that it was his chat room. I felt no love of God in his attitude so I asked to be taken off as a moderator. Today he made it was official. My heart breaks cause I feel like I failed a friend. But in reality a leader failed me. But I still feel the pain.
Men
We could spend ages on this topic. But for now I will try my hardest to keep it a paragraph. Lately I have 3 guy friends. We are very close. They recently told me they have taken a fancy in me. One even told me he had a dream about me. This put me in an awkward position. So I told them all I am going to remain friends right now, I am not in the position to date. They all agreed this was a good decision. I love them all very dearly. But 2 out of the 3 guys, what do you think there facebook relationship status say? Yep they forgot about me pretty quickly. The see me online and ignore me, they even delete things I post on their facbook walls. I Hate being played with, I hate men who emotionally play with a woman’s feelings. I don’t see them as men they are boys. Real men guard women, and protect them. What happen to the world?? Why do men strive to be the pimp, and not the knight? I basically feel like they loved me like they loved a piece of gum wrapper. Where are the knights? Where have the Godly men gone?
Friend
This friend is the same person I talked about in “Friend Problems.” Lately we have made real ground and starting to quilt our friendship back together. But on Saturday we got into yet another misunderstanding on the phone. So Sunday I wrote a nice email (I thought it was nice) saying I was sorry, apologizing for my part of the issue. I then tried to make an attempt on trying to explain my feelings. I went to bed thinking I had done a good thing, and we would be better tomorrow. When I rolled out of bed this morning and staggered to the computer, my heart broke. The reply to my email was a nasty one. I almost felt him yelling at me trough the text. I was shattered and crushed. I could barely type a reply. I was so scared and broken to write much.
I am watching the sun go down in the mountain horizon. I am happy to see this day go. I also forgot to mention the burning pain in my arm from where I burned my self on the oven. But the burning pain is nothing like what my broken heart feels. I almost blame myself for this pain. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Was a week ago that I stayed up till the wee morning hours to make a friend (was one of the “men” that is now forgotten me) a very encouraging video, filled with love and support. Will anyone make me anything when I am down? I doubt I will even get a comment on this.
All I can do is keep searching for God in my situation. Keep my heart limping forward. Its all I can do.
I have been studying Christian behavior. What I see is blindness. I have been talking a lot to my friend Mark. He is such a joy to have as a friend. But he has brought to my attention some of the stuff that us Christians are doing, which isn’t right.
Like for example, I was on Christian chat and I was helping a new believer with his new faith and relationship. While I was doing this a huge fight broke out between to BELIEVERS about some dogma doctrine that really doesn’t matter. It all just boiled down to each interpretation.
This new believer was shocked at what he was witnessing and Private Messaged me right away. He said, “How can I someone who is looking find answers when were bricking amongst ourselves.” All I could reply back was, “This is from the makings of religion and pride. It has nothing to do with a relationship.”
We all have different views, this make sense since we are all different, and have different backgrounds. Were not all going to agree with ever single little thing. But since we don’t agree doesn’t make one side wrong and the other right. Come on church! When are you going to recognize that we are ALL different. Therefore God isn’t going to treat us all the same!
To prove my point do a little study on Jesus. See how he healed people, some people he spoke “Rise up and walk”, other times he touched the leper (which was considered unclean, and other times he rubbed mud in a blind mans eyes. Now Jesus is God. He could have just thought, be healed. They would have been healed. But why did Jesus treat people differently. (Naa Duh! huh.) Well think about it. Church is a body, with different body parts which have different functions. So of course were going to be different, were going to see things different. Fact is we have one purpose. So quit putting the focus on ourselves and keep pressing forward, start WORKING TOGETHER!
Its about time WE were about OUR fathers business!
Labels: Chatrooms, Christianity, Love, problems, religion
I am a member of a Christian Chat group. I have no idea if anyone knows what the term “Troll” is, but is basically someone who goes on to a Chat Room looking for Trouble. Lately I have noticed that this name is now being expanded to a more broader since. Know if you even mention a question in your faith, and you continue to ask questions, so called “Christians” think your lacking in faith and now judge you as a “Troll”.
Why is this? Why is it, when you have a question about your faith people take it as your weak? Or if you have a question about another religion people take it that your faith shopping?
Isn’t the fact your questioning support you have a faith?
Okay let me clarify that last question. Think back to when you were a child, and your in the classroom. Your in 5th grade and your learning about long division. Your teacher’s standing at her chalkboard, (or marker board depending how old you are) and she is explaining how the numbers on the board can be divided into a longer sense then you’re use to. You know how to divide but your learning a new way to divide and tackle the bigger problems. Everything sounds nice and sweet and easy when she is at the board explaining it to you. That is till she passes out that worksheet. You stare at the numbers blankly, your overwhelmed. You take a deep breath and start on the first set of numbers, 12 divided by 2, oh that’s easy, so you carefully write 6 above the divided bar. Your proud, but you scan your teachers chalkboard again, it doesn’t look the same. Oh no! You forgot what to do with the bottom half. You want to raise your hand. But what is Little smart Timmy going to think of you when your stuck on the first question?!
So what would you do? Would you raise your hand? Do you allow fear to grasp you and hold you back?
Why do we question in the first place?
To find that answer you have to ask yourself, why do teacher’s always say “There is no such thing as a bad question?” Because they know that when your struggling and you have a question, that means your learning. The fact you have a question about something is evidence of growth and comprehension.
So back to the question, “Isn’t the fact your questioning support you have a faith?” It’s true. The fact your questioning is showing you want to grow, you want to learn. Something inside you is wanting to expand.
So next time a judgmental Christian calls you a troll just for asking some questions. Take it as a compliment.
Luke 2:46
After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.
1 Corinthians 2:10
but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.
1 John 4:1 Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world
1 Thessalonians 5:21 Test everything. Hold on to the good.
